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Rise of Nations Heaven » Forums » Community Forum » RoNH Jokes Thread.
Topic Subject:RoNH Jokes Thread.
posted 04-22-04 08:28 PM EDT (US)         
Just thought I'd liven this place up. Here's one I got from (the site that Nos posted in AoMH)...

A little boy came down to breakfast. Since he lived on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores.

“Not yet,” said the little boy. His mother tells him he can’t have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.

“Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you aren’t getting any milk this morning.”

Just about then, his father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as he’s walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, “Are you going to tell him, or should I?”

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[This message has been edited by Meteora (edited 04-22-2004 @ 08:44 PM).]

posted 04-22-04 10:53 PM EDT (US)     1 / 11       
Got a bunch of good ones:


Coach Steve Mariucci had put together the perfect Detroit Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Baghdad. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Iraqi with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away - kaboom!
"I've got to get this guy!" Mariucci said to himself. "He has the perfect arm." So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football and the
Detroit Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history.
The young Iraqi is lionized as the Great Hero of football, and when Mariucci asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl."
"I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son."
"I don't think you understand, Mother!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No, let me tell you," the mother retorts, "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was kidnapped in broad daylight."
The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says ". . . I'll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."


There were three people stranded on an island. A French, a British, and an American. They come across a group of cannibals who told them,"We are going to kill you and use your skins to make a canoe. However we will let you chose the way you wish to die."
So the French says,"I want to die by the gun."
They give him a gun, he says," Viva la France" and shoots himself in the head.
The British says,"I want to die by the knife."
They give him a knife, he says," Long live the queen" and he slits his throat.
The American says," I want to die by the fork."
The cannibals say,"The fork??!!"
And he goes,"Yeah the fork"
So they give him a fork and he stabs himself repeatedly, and says,"So much for your canoe!"


There was this guy who had an ape on his roof. So he goes to his neighbor and says how do I get the ape off of the roof? He was told to look in the phone book for an ape exterminator. So lo and behold he found one. When the ape exterminator gets here he says."I'm going to explain to you what I'm going to do. I have a dog, a baseball bat, a cage, and a shotgun. I'm going to clime on your roof and hit the ape off the roof with a baseball bat. The dog, who is specially trained to grab the ape by its testicles, wil drag it into the cage. Then I'll put it in my van and bring it back to my storage building."
The guy says,"Ok, so you're going to clime on your roof and hit the ape off the roof with a baseball bat. The dog, who is specially trained to grab the ape by its testicles, wil drag it into the cage. Then you'll put it in your van and bring it back to your storage building."
The exterminator says," Yes thats right."
The guys asks, " Well then what is the shotgun for?"
The exterminator says, "If the ape hits me off the roof shoot the dog."


I may not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.
- Voltaire
posted 04-22-04 11:07 PM EDT (US)     2 / 11       
Haha, the second one fills me up with patriotic pride.

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posted 12-06-10 00:18 AM EDT (US)     3 / 11       
what the ****. this was the worst thread idea of all time. god i was horrible.

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posted 12-06-10 02:13 AM EDT (US)     4 / 11       
Given the simmering ethnic tensions there, how on earth do Irish Catholics ever get their daily requirements of Vitamin C if they won't have anything to do with their rivals?
posted 12-23-10 10:16 PM EDT (US)     5 / 11       
Mete you ****ing suck.
posted 01-17-11 11:43 AM EDT (US)     6 / 11       
Keep it civil, please.

Cyclohexane - it's what's for dinner!
posted 01-23-11 02:28 AM EDT (US)     7 / 11       
**** you, flying monkey

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posted 01-25-11 05:54 PM EDT (US)     8 / 11       
**** you flyingmete

mewp: a word to describe awesomeness in its supreme form.

EoB Heraclies gets a hard-on from noobs.

Damn, you got me. I just wish I knew how to make quality threads like you do. -Blatant7
posted 07-24-11 10:53 PM EDT (US)     9 / 11       
whoa, people are still alive in here lol

Am I the only one who likes
my pet, the great pithouphis catenifer?
posted 08-12-11 11:36 AM EDT (US)     10 / 11       
Oh no, it's not that danywar. You see, most of the forums isn't quite dead yet - it's zombified. And seeing that I'm working on 3 or more mods right now and I'm short of human resources, can I have your braaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnssssss.....?

[img][/img] [img][/img] [img][/img]
Black Euroqueb
posted 12-13-11 09:41 PM EDT (US)     11 / 11       
Interesting thread.

( σяυɘ ϙυє )﴿

ʸᵒᵘᵗᵘᵇᵉ ˡˡʳʸ
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